No sheep no sleep

You probably know what insomnia is... or should I say: you probably know the definition of insomnia. Sleeping is so natural for other people... but for someone like me, who suffers from insomnia, it's nearly a miracle to lay down, close my eyes and after 15 minutes, falling into a deep sleep.

Instead, my brain is going round and round like a mad caroussel, thoughts are flying around, ideas, images, sounds, music... it's like a horrible trip from which I want to get off, but I can't, because my body screams for rest. I'm a creative, I paint, I draw, I write, I make music, I program... but there's no damned way to get rid, or at least, to reduce the flow of things that just keep on popping into my brain each and every nanosecond. I tried alot of things to tranquilize myself... yoga, herbs, drugs, even changing my way of life (I even stopped drinking tea and coffee). But nothing cures this state. It's like being damned and gifted in one (like those shampoos, you know). Because sure, I wouldn't want it to stop completly... I mean, I love to be creative, I love to think, to explore, to try things out, to challenge myself and grow beyond what I am... but the question is: how long will my body and my mind support this until they both go boom! like a balloon hitting a high tension cable?!

All I can do is reduce the symptoms using not-too-legal stuff. That's all there is. I guess I won't get very old this way (I'm not afraid of dying, you know, that's really not it... it's part of the game of life and I'm as ready to die as I'm ready to live). Maybe knowing this doesn't really help either... it builds up even more pressure. I'm afraid not to be able to reach my goals, not to be able to leave something worthwhile behind for everyone. I guess the main thing is to try... and for the rest... well... I'll see that soon enough. No need to waste a thought about that right now. So back to work...