2 nights ago

Strange... I've had nothing worthwhile to write about for the past five months. Well... nothing isn't really right. There are some very pleasant things that I could have written about. But... I don't know... I lived them instead of telling them. It was kind of a better plan to me.

But now... yes I feel like I need to write. But about nothing very pleasant actually. 2 nights ago, a girl broke my heart. Sounds like something we've all been through at least once in our lives. Still, this time, it was... different.

I should remark that I'm not very easy to get along with... but... when I give my heart to a woman... I guess I'd be able to do miracles for her. The problem is: I don't give my heart that easily. And each time I did... well... a new crack appeared. So the last past years, I was rather, you know, careless... I didn't really have "serious" relationships... those of which you plan your entire possible future with someone else... no... not me. I tried my best to stay away from those...

Until a couple of months ago... I met that girl (although we knew each other for awhile before that) and... it was like a revelation. It was like finding what you had been looking for a lifetime.

She sounded just the same... telling me what I wanted to hear. What I needed to hear. She charmed me... and then... she betrayed me. She hurt me without any good reasons. She killed me in less than 10 minutes.

Now... today... at this very moment... the place where I was supposed to have a heart... there's nothing left... all is dead... I can't even feel hatered for her. I.. I feel absolutly nothing anymore.

That is the most incredible feeling in my entire life.